jesse_d

Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: none

Wow I haven't written in this thing in a long time. I really haven't had any time to myself lately. I have a new man in my life he makes me smile and makes me very happy. My son will be 5 years old tomorrow my how time flies when you are having fun. School is almost over 2 weeks left including finals. Then out into the real world I'm going to try switching things around now work Full time and school part time until I finish my degree what ever that is going to be. I have changed my major 2x and I am thinking about changing it a 3rd time. I would love to be able to make up my mind and finish my degree. How is it in one society a piece of paper can hold so much weight when on comes to everything in life it seems these days. Since I last posted so many things have changed. I had a man in my life a while ago but he went to jail and I helped him out through jail and stayed by his side as a friend yeah I cared about him a lot but now I have a new man in my life and I love him very much, I have no idea why I felt the need to see this old friend for at least one last time and I didn't want to go behind my guys back, so I finally talked him into it today (going with me to see my old friend) I wanted to see if there were any feelings left for him in some aspect and to have closure on my part with my old friend b/c since he came back now he seems to want more than just a friendship I have no idea why I did this but now I am glad that I did. I saw him (my friend) and my heart no longer skipped a beat and my stomach no longer had those butterflies that I once had. I am so glad for all of these things because I can now move on with my current relationship with never wondering what if. I have seen him and the whole time the person that was on my mind was my man sitting next to me. The two men were very cordial to eachother and seemed to get along for that I am thankful. Well now that all these things are done. I am going to wait for this semester to get over with and kick back and see what life in the real world is like with a real job. It can't be any harder than the hell I have been through in the last 3 years. Here's to kickin' back! See ya'll later!

Just writing on this thing. Life is so interesting. It is amazing how we can give others advice but never truly follow our own. How we have heartbreak and ache but never really learn from it. No matter how many times we say we are never going to do it again we end up doing it again in some form maybe not as bad as the last time but we still do. I am not a philosopher by any means but it is just amazing the things we do and then criticize others for. We hide habits so people don't know we do them(i.e. smoking). We tell our friends that everything will be okay because we think that is what they want to hear even if we think they are screwed. The people that are your friends when it benefits them and when it doesn't they are like who the hell are you and we still call them friends afterwards. I see my friends get hurt time and again and want to take on all their problems so I don't have to deal with my own but what happens the day I wake up and noone has problems what will I do??? Will I clean my house over and over again as to not be forced to deal. I have a friend who says that love and happiness are all illusions we make up so we can get through life. Sometimes I think that this is true and other times I think that he is full of crap. Anyways I have a few close friends that will remain close and I wish them all the happiness that we can have in this world!

Current Mood: indescribable

seeing if this thing works